Another Week....Another Pound

So...I am starting to think that I actually need to get my lazy, food loathing, butt in gear and actually stick to what I should be sticking to!  My weight loss is averaging 1lb per week for the second week in a row! This is not Operation Moody Hotness (OMH)...this is Operation Lose Weight As Slow As Physically Possible and Frustrate Lindsay Until She Caves In and Just Eats the Dang Cheesecake (OLWASAPPAFLUSCIAJETDC)!!!! I think for the sake of the name of my blog and piffiness, I need to get my program back on track! Otherwise I will spend all of my time listing out a bunch of letters that when said all together, translates into "Lindsay, EAT what your supposed to and RUN on the dang treadmill!" in Klingon!!  

The good news...I am still losing weight.  The bad news...it is 1 stinking pound!!! I should be losing more at my current weight.  Granted I am building muscle, but not enough to explain my snail speed loss.  I work out hard, but my eating...well....ya....about that!  This only goes to show you that gym time is absolutely pointless if you aren't eating the right foods, enough food, or too much food.  I am learning this the insanely slow, hard way!  Granted, the insanely slow, hard way is the way I learn best.  Some learn by reading, some learn by watching, and some learn by doing...Well I learn by all three! First, I read about the right way to do something. Then I watch someone else succeed by following the principles that I just read about. Finally, I learn by doing the exact opposite of what I learned from reading and watching, thus suffering the consequences of the lessons learned yet ignored! Then, and only then, do I seem to have let the information sink in and I can duplicate the desired behavior!  While this is a fine-tuned, process that I have perfected over the past 26 years, I am finding it to be a little more than problematic in my weight loss journey.  Especially that now, in my old age, it is getting more and more difficult to have lessons sink in.  It takes more time to teach this old dog new tricks! I don't eat enough, then I justify eating bad foods with, "Well...I only ate 300 calories today, so I guess that it is ok to shove 2000 calories into my mouth at 9 p.m."  I am not an expert or anything...but I am pretty sure this is contributing to my current plight of 1 pound per week.  But then again, I am not an expert! 

So...tomorrow is Sunday. Tomorrow is another day to succeed at eating enough during the day and not going to bed with visions of cheesecake, fries, chocolate fudge sundaes, junior bacon cheeseburgers, and cookies dancing around my head! Wish me luck because just making that list about tempted me to engage in the undesired behaviors! Let's just all be thankful the Dairy Queen doesn't deliver!!! 

Biggest Loser - Where Has The Food Gone???

I don't know about anyone else in the world, but when I started watching The Biggest Loser four years ago, it was always a wonderful evening of food and fun. I found sick, twisted joy out of eating pizza and ice cream while watching other people sweat it out in the gym.  The pizza of choice was Papa Murphy's Hawaiian. It was healthy!! It had fruit on it! Of course Ben & Jerry's had to be involved and Fish Food was the best option! Everyone says that fish is the healthiest meat you can eat! Granted the fish in the ice cream were made of fudge, but chocolate does have anti-aging stuff in it...who doesn't want to look young forever?? I was saving myself thousands in Botox costs down the road!! And who has every heard of actual fish in ice cream? Something about the dairy and the nastiness of fish flavor not really mixing! And it isn't all my fault...the commercials they run during Biggest Loser contain Wendy's ad about how their fries now taste better than McDonald's and how Chips Ahoy now has delicious chocolate chip cookies with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in them.  I am a firm believer in not believing everything I see/hear on T.V.  How do I know that it is true if I never do a clinical fry trial on my own???  Well...no more clinical trials for me.  My career in scientific food research is over.  I have handed in my security badge and "food tester" accreditations.  No more late night runs to the drive-thru to try the newest addition the dollar menu. The food is gone... The funny thing is that while I watching the latest episode of Biggest Loser the commercial about Wendy's came on. It hit me.  Not only have I not had fries in a really long time, I realized that I haven't really missed them.  Weird.  Of course, now that I made the mistake of not fast forwarding through the commercials, I really want a fry.  =)

Today was a great day at the gym.   I was able to jog at a 15 incline for a full minute.  My trainer only asked me to do 30 seconds but at 20 seconds I knew that I could go longer and faster.  It was AWESOME!! I know that 1 minute isn't that long but for me it was a huge accomplishment.  Just a few months ago I couldn't do 20 seconds without wanting to throw up...and actually throwing up.  I know, had I not just finished working out my lower body, that I could have gone longer, and on some level I am kinda kicking myself for stopping at only 1 minute.  I am anxious to go back and push harder.  As of today, my total weight loss is 11 pounds.  I am fighting a little frustration with that number because I felt like it should be more, however, I know that I have been building muscle.

Every day I get a little bit stronger and feel that I can achieve a little more!!

Time Out

So today was Easter Sunday.  I love Easter.  I love the music at church. I love the cute Spring clothes. I love the peace in knowing that my Savior died on a cross, rose again, conquered death, and lives in me!! I love the feeling of renewal.

Today I cheated on my diet.  Now, those of you who know me, know that I do not do anything half way.  Nope! If I am going to cheat, I am going to go for the gold! Don't worry, no cheesecakes were harmed in the making of today's binge session! However there are some rolls, potatoes, cookie salads, and popcorn that took a beating!  I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my wonderful Easter Sunday with my family.

You may be wondering why I am cheering this perceived failure in my quest for Moody Hotness.  Well, I needed to take a step back. I called a "time out" on my mission to gain some perspective. I had become obsessed with diet and exercise. I was so focussed on the scale and a stupid number that appears on a digital screen, that I was becoming seriously unhappy, frustrated, and just down right angry.  I wanted to quit every day last week and was starting to find this whole process pointless and a complete waste of time and resources.  All I saw was what I was sacrificing and not what I was gaining. I only lost 1lb last week for a grand total of 9lbs in 2.5 weeks and I was ticked.  The last place I wanted to be was the gym, but I forced myself to go.  I was going to beat it into submission if it was the last thing I did.  Needless to say, all that did was upset me more.

I needed today to show me my progress. I learned today that I can't eat like I use to.  I barely got through the plate of small portions I took!  I also learned that sugar is not my friend. I have a massive headache from eating things I haven't eaten in weeks.  I learned that food doesn't make me feel better any more.  It is no longer my source of comfort, joy, or means of celebration.  It seems strange to me that I find satisfaction in the fact that my stomach has shrunk so much that 1 roll, a small piece of lamb, some potatoes, and a small scoop of cookie salad, was almost more than I could get down.  I also love that I am not beating myself up for it.  I had an awesome day and didn't have to think about weight loss or working out. I got to enjoy my little niece, my brothers, my parents, and my sister in law. I got to laugh with my grandma and enjoy that she and grandpa couldn't believe the progress I have made since Christmas.  Today I was able to enjoy the work I have done and now I am looking forward to the work I am going to be putting in and the results I will see in the coming weeks!!

The MUCH Anticipated "Before & After" Pictures

Well, I don't know how anticipated the pictures are, but I thought I would post some pictures that show my progress over the last year especially.  Now, some of the pictures show me in a wedding dress. LONG story!  You may be wondering, why would she post fat pictures of her in a wedding dress? So, here is my one Dr. Phil moment.  That wedding dress or rather what it represented is partially responsible for my weight gain.  Also, it is, ironically, the least amount of clothes I have ever worn in public and properly shows my hot messiness! Not only that, but it highlights how beautiful my best friend/sister Amy is! This blog is all about losing weight and becoming beautiful from the inside out, so why not let other's look good in the process??  So here you go! The BIG and I do mean BIG reveal is here!!

The next pictures are ones that were taken about 2 weeks ago and are super hard on my fragile ego. In my defense, the work out pants I was wearing are super big on me and I have since gotten a smaller size.  Ok, Ok...enough with the flimsy excuses.  Here are the newer pictures: 

Since these pictures were taken, I have lost 10lbs.  Hopefully those equate to inches sooner rather than later!! I have to admit that these pictures are a bit demoralizing and I can only hope are the result of bad angles and the fact that I had just finished working out when they were taken. It is just hard for me to believe that after already losing an insane amount of weight, that I still have so far to go.  Add to this my frustration with having a hard time getting all my calories in, and today I have felt like a big fat failure!  Oh well, I was bound to have a day like this.  I guess the only thing to do is shove a protein bar in my mouth and head back to the gym for my second work out of the day, when all I really want to do is hit the Cheesecake Factory!!

Retail Therapy

So...you may be wondering what retail therapy has to do with my weight loss blog.  What do spending some hard earned cash and working out have to do with the price of personal training in China??  Well...I will tell you! I have the attention span of a 2 year old.  I am like a fire cracker...I get super excited and fired up, then I explode in a burst of 2 seconds of gloriousness...then it is on to the next sparkler or better yet...The Big One! One of the things that made me super nervous about committing to a 12 week exercise program and setting a goal that will take 3 months to reach, if it is even reachable, is my spastic tendency to race from one thing to another.  As a self proclaimed and previously proven "commitmentphobe", 3 months might as well be 3 life times.  I decided that if I was going to keep going I needed 2 things:

 1. A strong support team - aka "The Moodsters" =) Totally have to make T-shirts!
 2. Some sort of reward system to keep me motivated when I want to quit

When rewarding myself, I usually run to DQ for a delicious Georgia Mud Pie blizzard or Applebees for a Maple Butter Brownie of joy and merriment.  And I will be honest, I was seriously tempted! What better way to celebrate weight loss than gorging myself with morsels of pure sugar and fat?!?!  After some deep reflection that lasted a solid 45 seconds (remember the whole attention span issue, 45 seconds is phenomenal for me!),    I decided to do a little shopping.  I have to honestly say that it was the first time in a year that I have truly enjoyed shopping for clothes.  I was able to buy sizes that I haven't worn in years!  I have gone from XXL to Mediums or XL to Large! I literally lost inches!! It is so nice to see changes in my body that correspond with the scale!  What's even better is that all it did was make me not just want to date my treadmill but MARRY it!! Ok...perhaps a little extreme, but now I find that I am even more focussed on my goal!

So...tonight I was able to head back to the gym, and....drum roll please....I was able to jog for a solid mile at 4.5 and even ran at a 6 for 4 minutes!!! BAM! That just happened!!! I owned that conveyor belt!! I stomped it into submission and had it crying for its mommy!!! I was the master of the....well you get the point! Now all I need is another non-sugar coma inducing idea for the next time I need something to keep me going!!

 

Sickness + Weight Loss = Disaster!

Ok, so my title might be a little dramatic brought on by the side effects of Mucinex, Dayquil, Nyquil, vitamin C, and throat drops.  It is, however, very true that being sick and trying to lose major poundage, do not mix. So far I have missed 2 work outs and my diet has suffered.  I have no idea what to eat, especially when the stuff I have been eating to lose weight sounds disgusting and not at all appetizing.  What does sound good is ice cream to soothe my sore throat and chocolate to soothe the victim complex I seem to acquire every time I am sick.  The good news is that I have resisted chocolate and the extreme desire to call my parents, crying for my mommy.  The ice cream....well....(if you are my personal trainer please stop reading here)....I haven't done the greatest at saying "no" to.  The good news is that there hasn't been any binge eating of said delicious ice cream, but I can neither confirm nor deny that I may be currently involved in a delicious relationship with two guys, Ben and Jerry!  SCANDALOUS!!  To be completely accurate, they have these amazing little portions of ice cream now. They are about 1/3 the size of the normal pints of ice cream. I am happy to report that while I may or may not be starting to casually "date" Ben and Jerry,  there are not any thoughts beyond mild flirtation.  I recently had a nasty break up with my last boyfriend, Cheesecake, and am not going to be ready for another committed relationship any time soon.

Hopefully over the next couple of days I will be able to head back to the gym and get things back on track.  I can't afford even a mild set back if I am going to reach my goal in the next 11 weeks.

Irrational Fear...Oh and Other Things

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for a segment called "Lindsay's Irrational Fear of the Day".  I am prone to many fears, many of which are ridiculous and have no merit. For example, when I first started my weight loss journey last June, I worried that I would lose too much weight in my face.  What if my eyes, nose, and ears were only being held in place by deposits of fat in my cheeks?  If I lost all the deposits, would my eyes, nose, and ears then fall out of place leaving me to look like the Elephant Woman?? Well, the good news is that I have lost quite a bit of weight out of my face and I have yet to see much movement as far as the location of my eyes, nose, and ears...believe me...I check every day with a ruler!  The good news is that this irrational fear justified 2 pieces of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory (as much as I plug them, I should be getting a kick back!).  What? I had to eat that cheesecake.  It was for the good of my face!!

Today's irrational fear, I believe has more merit than eyes falling out of socket due to lack of fat.  As you can see in the picture below, I have large eyes. Extremely large eyes.  This is something I was born with.  When I was in high school, my dad once commented that he liked Pugs and Boston Terriers because their bug eyes reminded him of me as a baby.  Now before you get all child psychologist on me and recommend therapy or are tempted to call my dad mean, keep in mind I am thankful for these comments:

1.  He said it in love. Obviously he loves me because he and my mom now own 2 pugs! Plus he puts up with my many, many, many phone calls regarding my irrational fear and the random stupid stuff I get waaaaaaaay  too excited about! 
2.  If I go to therapy and get all "healed" and stuff, that would make my eventual tell all book extremely boring and the royalties from book sales would be considerably less!

Back to my fear - What if I lose more weight in my face and my eyes bug out and I look like (no, not a Pug) but a cartoon character?? Don't get me wrong, I love Disney and Warner Brothers as much as the next person, but I have no desire to look like one of their characters! I will never be the chick that dresses up like Princess Leia to go to a Star Wars movie so why would I want to permanently look like I was wearing a costume...on my face??

 

Now on to the "Other Things" promised in the title.

I have been a part of the competition at my gym for 1 week now. Only 11 more to go!! I am finding that I am struggling with the most unusual thing. I never dreamed that my problem with food would be that I am not eating enough! I am not tempted by cookies, cakes, chocolates, ice cream (not even Ben & Jerry's Fish Food Ice cream with the little fudge fishies...), or fast food.  Nope! I am having a hard time getting all my calories in.  I do great during my work week and during the day, however after I get off work, hit the gym, and then come home, the very last thing I want to do is make dinner.  I don't get hungry until around 8:00 p.m. most nights and because I go to work at 6:30 in the morning, I go to bed around 9:00 or 9:30. That's right! I am one Early Bird Special and bingo game away from being a senior citizen (no disrespect intended)!  The meal plan I am supposed to stick to is:

Breakfast: Protein shake
Snack: Fiber One bar/granola bar
Lunch: Ham Sandwich (no cheese)
Snack: Protein bar
Dinner: Grilled chicken breast & veggies (the only green things I previously acknowledged were Skittles or M&M's)
Snack: 1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese

The meals that I am skipping are dinner and last snack.  My days off are the worst.  Those days I tend to skip 3-4 meals.  This will be a work in progress because starving myself will not have the desired results. Yes I will lose weight, but I will not be toned. When I waive to people, my skin will still be waiving 5 minutes later!

Anyone have suggestions on how I can make sure I don't miss a meal??  Who knew the "Queen of Binge Eating" would ever have this problem?

Tri-Weekly Torture Sessions

Three times a week I train with Jonathan Eldredge at my gym Fitness19.  Honestly, I would recommend him to anyone looking to get fit.  Both Jonathan and his beautiful wife Kaylie work at the gym and it is a great place to work out.  My favorite part...the gym membership is inexpensive! I am not ashamed to say that I have to pinch pennies where I can because my weight loss has been anything but inexpensive. Worth it, yes, but I am looking forward to the day that I won't be killing myself with over time at work so I can pay someone to kill me at the gym!! There is something slightly wrong with that picture...

As a trainer, Jonathan pretty much rocks. He is awesome.  I would say Jonathan is more a "Bob" than a "Jillian" in that he isn't much of a yeller but rather takes a positive reinforcement approach.  He takes an interest in the people he trains and he is has a genuine knowledge of what he is doing.  His training style is good for me because I tend to get excited about something, go 110% on fast forward, burn out, and then drown my sorrows in chocolate mousse cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory (based on my extensive, scientific research - the other flavors, while perfectly delicious, do not effectively drown sorrows quite like chocolate mousse...just saying).  If I had it my way, I would be spending an hour a day on the treadmill and training 5 times per week.  Jonathan continually reminds this is a marathon not a sprint and that if I do it my way, I am going to burn out.  The control freak in me is quite frustrated! Doesn't he know that I have to lose an average of 3.34lbs per week in order to hit 40lbs in only 12 weeks?? Doesn't he know that it is going to get harder the smaller I get to hit that 3.34lbs per week?? That's why I must lose 10 - 15lbs per week now, while I am pleasantly plump and have lots of fat to spare!!  I am all about spending an obscene amount of quality time with those I love. It just so happens that I am madly in love with the treadmill and can't get enough of its built in TV and rotating conveyor belt!  Is that so wrong??

 - Side Bar-
   I may have a slight flare for the dramatic......nah! No way that's me...it's not like I have a history of dramatic behavior! Ok...back the action!

Perhaps I will begrudgingly admit that just maybe (and I do mean MAYBE) Jonathan is somewhat smart (don't let it go to your head) and that my idea, while brilliantly inspired, may not be the best course of action at this time.  I may have lost this battle, but never fear! I will win the war! Moohahaha (slightly cheesy, diabolical Moody laugh).  So, in light of this bitter defeat - here is my current work out schedule:

Monday: 30 - 45 minutes cardio (you are going to have to give me the extra 15 min Jonathan, I just said you are smart!)

Tuesday: Personal training - upper body only

Wednesday: Personal training - lower body and abs

Thursday: 30 - 45 minutes cardio

Friday: Personal training - full body, last chance work out for the week, & weigh in

This may seem like a lot, but to me it just seems like there are many hours in my day that are wasted on stupid stuff like going to work and sleeping.  That could have been a slight over-exaggeration, but on my days off, I especially feel like I should be spending A LOT  more time working out.  I am just soo  stinking ready to be where I want to be physically.  I am ready for the little black dress and to actually enjoy trying on clothes again!  I am also super nervous that I am going to reach my goal, and then after these 12 weeks are over, I am going to go back to the "old Lindsay". While the old Lindsay wasn't all bad...there was quite a bit more of her to get to know!

Why "Operation Moody Hotness"?

Okay, so I am writing this blog for a couple of reasons:
1. I have a lot of people who ask me how I have lost 78lbs and what my motivation is.
2. So I have a place to track my progress: both positive and negative (well hopefully all positive)

The answer to the first questions is....drum roll please...I have NO idea! I don't know what drives me. At first it was the inevitable dream of revenge on the guy that broke my heart! C'mon ladies, we all have those fantasies where we run into the ex at the store and, of course, have perfect makeup and a little black dress! Don't tell me it's not true! Then it became about looking good in the little black dress I would use to torture him.  Then it became about looking good in the little black dress just so I feel good. That's where I got stuck.  I had lost 78 lbs and was looking better and better in clothes but was sincerely unhappy.  It was then that I woke up and realized that it is about transforming all of me...not just the outside.  While it is all well and good to be able to rock a pair of Calvins, it would mean nothing if I was dark and confused inside. And what good would it be to exact revenge on a guy that I hope to never see again...except maybe in the grocery store, with flawless makeup, wearing the little black dress, and with a male model at my side (ok so I added a little)?? So, my new motivation is to recognize the things that  brought me to the point of 245lbs (yep at 5'3" and 245lbs..I was the hotness!) and hopefully never go back. Don't worry, this is not a place for me to journal my innermost feelings and get all Dr. Phil.  In fact, this blog will have little to no personal thoughts or revelations, unless of course I meet the really hot male model! Then y'all better prepared with your gag reflex because I am going to shouting it from the mountain tops Julie Andrews style!

The second reason I am writing this is that hopefully it is what keeps me going.  I commit to sharing my diet and exercise, hopefully daily but at the least weekly. I am hoping this keeps me away from the fridge! I mean, who wants to admit to the world wide web that they binged on 2 slices of cheesecake, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, an entire container of chocolate chip cookie dough, 2 Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers, an order of large fries, and washed it all down with Diet Pepsi (I am watching my girlish figure and who needs the calories from real sugar?)! So, while I know that eating the above list would be more fun, I am really hoping that posting about my consumption of protein shakes and carrots will be just as enjoyable! I am also going to be posting some before and after pictures. Don't worry, there is no way I am posting "Biggest Loser" style pics! No way I would subject my loyal readers and those I love to a picture of me in spandex and a sports bra.  I won't be able to afford the therapy bills that you all incur as a direct result! I have a personal trainer to pay!!

Please feel free to share your thoughts, advice, healthy recipes, and even work out music suggestions! I have a long 12 weeks ahead of me and I am sure my iPod selection and food list are going to get a bit monotonous!

So there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen, Lindsay's reasons for documenting her journey to losing 40lbs in only 12 weeks!!

Happy Reading!