Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Hello 150's!!!
Please ignore the fact that I am desperately overdue for a pedicure! Life has been a little crazy lately and my poor toes have been neglected! I did everything I could to not get my feet in the picture but if you have ever tried to take a picture while standing on a scale, you know that it is crazy awkward!! I honestly never thought that I would get to the point where I would want to take a picture of the scale, but I was sure that if I didn't take a picture today no one (including me) would believe the number!! In fact, I weighed myself about 4 times just to make sure I wasn't dreaming! Only 12.6lbs away from my goal of 100lbs of weight loss! It is hard to believe that I started at 245lbs. With every pound that I take off, I get a little stronger, a little braver, and a little more ready to tackle life. It has been a long, painful road back to "Lindsay", and most days I want to just quit, but in the end it is all going to be worth it!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Two Blogs In One Night?!? It Must Be Quite The Occasion!!
Consider yourself doubly blessed! Two blog posts in one day! Bare with me...it is a little long...
In the history of my blog I have never had an occasion in which I felt that two posts in one night was warranted. Plus, I am just not that witty! Well, tonight the stars must have aligned in perfect formation! This evening I enjoyed a time of food and shopping with some of my girlfriends. Knowing that I needed clothes, we headed over to Maurices to engage in some much needed retail therapy. Well...what I walked away with was a whole lot more than new clothes. Yes, zipping up a size 9/10 (with a little help from my friend, Spanx) brought me a little bit of confidence, but I was still feeling super insecure about my body. I figured that at least I would have a goal now. Fit in new jeans, ASAP! No food and all exercise = new jeans! When I got home, my friend Tory and I were messing around and I decided that I would give myself further inspiration to hit the treadmill 12 hours per day. I started pulling out the "skinny" jeans. You know, the jeans that every woman has in the vain hope that one day they will once again be the size she was in high school! I knew they wouldn't fit, but I told myself that it would be OK because it would just inspire me to work harder!
Well....
THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!! Now granted, my "skinny" jeans aren't all that skinny. They are a size 12 but in all fairness back when I went to high school, sizes did run smaller! The other good news - I have like 5 pair of jeans that I saved and they all work, which means outside of my smaller (and much snugger) new jeans from Maurices, I won't have to buy jeans for a couple of months! Hooray for my wallet!
Then things got a little crazy. I decided to try on the dress I wore to my brother's wedding 7 years ago.
Well....
IT FIT!!! It was actually a little bulky in places!
As I walked around my apartment in complete shock, I realized something that is super scary for me (beware...the Dr. Phil moment I promised would never happen is about to happen). I can't hide behind my weight any more. I can't hide behind being the overweight, broken girl that I have found so comforting over the past 3 years. I am still overweight but I am not damaged or at least I don't have to be. I still have my goal of 100lbs of weight loss, and my journey is far from over, but I am going to have to start finding a new excuse and a new "shtick" because the obese, funny, and slightly dumb blonde act just isn't cutting it any more - mainly because I am not any of those things. Ok, I will admit to slight blonde moments on occasion. With one zip into a pair of jeans that I wore when I was 18, I realized that it was time to be open again. No more keeping people at arms length by making fun of my weight and acting like a complete idiot and pretending I am stupid. I can be a strong, confident woman who has something to offer those around me. Yes, there is an extremely good chance that I am going to get hurt again. I am guaranteed that I am going to fail again at some point, but at least I will fail being me and not some "persona" that keeps people just close enough to become acquainted with, but never so close they can see who I really am.
Who knew that a pair of jeans could be more therapeutic than watching a year's worth of Dr. Phil re-runs!
In the history of my blog I have never had an occasion in which I felt that two posts in one night was warranted. Plus, I am just not that witty! Well, tonight the stars must have aligned in perfect formation! This evening I enjoyed a time of food and shopping with some of my girlfriends. Knowing that I needed clothes, we headed over to Maurices to engage in some much needed retail therapy. Well...what I walked away with was a whole lot more than new clothes. Yes, zipping up a size 9/10 (with a little help from my friend, Spanx) brought me a little bit of confidence, but I was still feeling super insecure about my body. I figured that at least I would have a goal now. Fit in new jeans, ASAP! No food and all exercise = new jeans! When I got home, my friend Tory and I were messing around and I decided that I would give myself further inspiration to hit the treadmill 12 hours per day. I started pulling out the "skinny" jeans. You know, the jeans that every woman has in the vain hope that one day they will once again be the size she was in high school! I knew they wouldn't fit, but I told myself that it would be OK because it would just inspire me to work harder!
Well....
THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!! Now granted, my "skinny" jeans aren't all that skinny. They are a size 12 but in all fairness back when I went to high school, sizes did run smaller! The other good news - I have like 5 pair of jeans that I saved and they all work, which means outside of my smaller (and much snugger) new jeans from Maurices, I won't have to buy jeans for a couple of months! Hooray for my wallet!
Then things got a little crazy. I decided to try on the dress I wore to my brother's wedding 7 years ago.
Well....
IT FIT!!! It was actually a little bulky in places!
As I walked around my apartment in complete shock, I realized something that is super scary for me (beware...the Dr. Phil moment I promised would never happen is about to happen). I can't hide behind my weight any more. I can't hide behind being the overweight, broken girl that I have found so comforting over the past 3 years. I am still overweight but I am not damaged or at least I don't have to be. I still have my goal of 100lbs of weight loss, and my journey is far from over, but I am going to have to start finding a new excuse and a new "shtick" because the obese, funny, and slightly dumb blonde act just isn't cutting it any more - mainly because I am not any of those things. Ok, I will admit to slight blonde moments on occasion. With one zip into a pair of jeans that I wore when I was 18, I realized that it was time to be open again. No more keeping people at arms length by making fun of my weight and acting like a complete idiot and pretending I am stupid. I can be a strong, confident woman who has something to offer those around me. Yes, there is an extremely good chance that I am going to get hurt again. I am guaranteed that I am going to fail again at some point, but at least I will fail being me and not some "persona" that keeps people just close enough to become acquainted with, but never so close they can see who I really am.
Who knew that a pair of jeans could be more therapeutic than watching a year's worth of Dr. Phil re-runs!
New Jeans!!!
Skinny Jeans!!!!
It's Go Time!!!
Well...I didn't turn 27 in a little black dress. I did try on dresses but was not feeling as confident as I wanted and wasn't quite sure I was ready to rock it the way I wanted to, so it stayed on the hanger. That and other than 1 night out with the girls, I have no reason to ever wear a little black dress in public. As much as I am sure that Gizmo would appreciate me wearing it around the house, I am not convinced that it would justify actually purchasing a dress to impress my 5lb yorkie!
In other news...
I have changed the mission of my blog. I now have 8 weeks to lose 20lbs. In reality, I am only 15 - 16 lbs away from my goal, but I don't want to meet my goal, I want to CRUSH it!!!! I am starting to realize how hard this is actually going to be. First, it wasn't the most brilliant idea in the world to start my new mission during birthday week. It might as have well been the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas! There are cookies, doughnuts, cupcakes, dinners out, and everything else that comes with turning another year older. Second, with the weight I have already lost, my body is starting to get a bit stingey on what it's willing to give up. I personally find it to be rude and greedy! I am going to have to be 100% focussed with 0 missed workouts and no cheating on my diet if I am going to hit 145lbs by November 24th. The problem...I have already missed 1 workout and I am going to miss another one tonight! It is the end of birthday week and a night out with my girlfriends is in order! It should be a fun night but come Monday all fun is over and it is GO TIME!!!!
In other news...
I have changed the mission of my blog. I now have 8 weeks to lose 20lbs. In reality, I am only 15 - 16 lbs away from my goal, but I don't want to meet my goal, I want to CRUSH it!!!! I am starting to realize how hard this is actually going to be. First, it wasn't the most brilliant idea in the world to start my new mission during birthday week. It might as have well been the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas! There are cookies, doughnuts, cupcakes, dinners out, and everything else that comes with turning another year older. Second, with the weight I have already lost, my body is starting to get a bit stingey on what it's willing to give up. I personally find it to be rude and greedy! I am going to have to be 100% focussed with 0 missed workouts and no cheating on my diet if I am going to hit 145lbs by November 24th. The problem...I have already missed 1 workout and I am going to miss another one tonight! It is the end of birthday week and a night out with my girlfriends is in order! It should be a fun night but come Monday all fun is over and it is GO TIME!!!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Don't Feel Like Finding What I Lost!
To lose something means you want to find it. I didn't lose weight, I released it!!! ~ Sandi Patty
Well I might have released 85lbs but I am pretty sure that after the weekend I just had, I brought of few of those "released" pounds back into captivity!! Actually it has been a crazy couple of weeks full of stress "starving" (lack of consumption of food due to the effects of stress in an individual's life ~ L. Moody) mixed with mild to severe stress eating. So far September has been more "Operation Moody Hot Messness" than "Operation Moody Hotness". My motto has been "breathe" and as one person recently texted me R-E-L-A-X (something I felt was completely un-called for! I am nothing if not the epitome of mellow! I mean it! Look it up, my picture is right next to the word "zen" in the dictionary!) I do have to say though, that I have managed the impossible. In almost a month of running around like a Jack Russell terrier on Speed and having more nervous energy than a psych hospital, I have managed to lose...drum roll please...1 pound!!! Huh?!? Really?!? Who likes the little digital numbers on the stupid scale anyway? NOT ME!
I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to reach my goal of 100lbs total weight loss by black Friday (turning the big 2-7), however there is nothing stopping from reaching that goal by Thanksgiving!! Awww...just in time to buy a pair of Thanksgiving eating pants (maternity pants) and go to town for 12 hours straight on ham, potatoes, desserts, and anything else my beautiful Mom decides to whip up! Yep! Brilliant plan!! Release 100lbs into the wild only to put them back into captivity in 1 day. I think this is going to work out well!!!
Well I might have released 85lbs but I am pretty sure that after the weekend I just had, I brought of few of those "released" pounds back into captivity!! Actually it has been a crazy couple of weeks full of stress "starving" (lack of consumption of food due to the effects of stress in an individual's life ~ L. Moody) mixed with mild to severe stress eating. So far September has been more "Operation Moody Hot Messness" than "Operation Moody Hotness". My motto has been "breathe" and as one person recently texted me R-E-L-A-X (something I felt was completely un-called for! I am nothing if not the epitome of mellow! I mean it! Look it up, my picture is right next to the word "zen" in the dictionary!) I do have to say though, that I have managed the impossible. In almost a month of running around like a Jack Russell terrier on Speed and having more nervous energy than a psych hospital, I have managed to lose...drum roll please...1 pound!!! Huh?!? Really?!? Who likes the little digital numbers on the stupid scale anyway? NOT ME!
I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to reach my goal of 100lbs total weight loss by black Friday (turning the big 2-7), however there is nothing stopping from reaching that goal by Thanksgiving!! Awww...just in time to buy a pair of Thanksgiving eating pants (maternity pants) and go to town for 12 hours straight on ham, potatoes, desserts, and anything else my beautiful Mom decides to whip up! Yep! Brilliant plan!! Release 100lbs into the wild only to put them back into captivity in 1 day. I think this is going to work out well!!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Turning 27 In a Little Black Dress...With a Little Help From My Friends!
^^^^^^I vote...ICE CREAM!!! ^^^^^^
I started dreading birthdays beginning with the year I turned 20. Something about turning another year older, watching my youth pass by me, all the while not being where I thought I would be in life, put me into a decidedly less than festive mood. Ever since that fateful birthday, I have been in the business of feeling waay older than I actually am. I have pre-ordered my AARP card, found a great plastic surgeon, and pre-scheduled my dual knee and hip replacements!! It is one of the few times in my life I am actually prepared! Generally birthdays are celebrated by wearing black sackcloth, throwing ashes in my hair, and wailing incessantly for 24 hours. Of course I do manage to appropriately drown my sorrows in chocolate mousse cheesecake! What good is being in a persistent mourning state if there isn't any cheesecake??
Well...this year, on an undisclosed date (a lady does not tell...so you will just have to find out on Facebook like everyone else!) I will turn the big 2-7 and it will be different...hopefully...
While I am still not where I thought I would be in life, I do have soo much to celebrate. Granted, I may not be married to George Strait, Harrison Ford, Colin Firth, or Patrick Dempsey (yet), but I do have amazing friends and family who love me unconditionally, put up with my craziness, see the real me no matter what little show/nervous act I put on, and have encouraged me every step of my weight loss journey. It is even true that I am not going to reach my goal of 100lbs of weight loss by my 27th birthday. Given the time frame I have left I don't think that 15lbs is feasible, however I do get to celebrate 85lbs of weight loss and a whole new lease on life and the ability to do things that I wouldn't have previously been able to do at 245lbs.
I have recently decided that this year I will not wail or throw ashes in my hair. Honestly, it makes a mess and I can't afford to continually replace my Dirt Devil due to over use and ash build up. I don't do anything half way! If I am going to throw ashes in my hair, I expect my head and all that surrounds it covered in soot! I am also giving up my chocolate mousse cheesecake. That's right! No cheesecake for me this year. I am still holding out for that 100lb weight loss before I take another bite of cheesecake! The one thing I am not giving up is black. I don't want to give that up so this is the year that I will be wearing the fabled little black dress. I know, I know...my body is no where near rocking it out Cindy Crawford style, however, that is why God allowed the creation of Spanx!! Diamonds are commonly referred to as a girl's best friend (and hey, who am I to argue with a little gorgeous bling), however this is not true!! Spanx are the greatest creation since the beginning of ice cream and ironically the reason we ladies need the delightful little contraptions!
So, with a little help from my friend "Spanx" (honorable mention goes to Amy for supplying me with said black dress), I am going to party like it is 1999 and enjoy turning another year older. I may not be where I thought I would be in life, but I am where I need to be and that feels better than any dream scenario I could ever come up with!
So, with a little help from my friend "Spanx" (honorable mention goes to Amy for supplying me with said black dress), I am going to party like it is 1999 and enjoy turning another year older. I may not be where I thought I would be in life, but I am where I need to be and that feels better than any dream scenario I could ever come up with!
***Update***
I have lost 28lbs since April 8th. Super Excited!!!!
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