To those that know me from work, you may see me as the one who seems to have it all together. I am the confident person that answers all your questions, encourages you when you are discouraged, and takes over when the call becomes too much and the customer wants to talk to someone else. I am the one that builds your confidence when you have none.
To those who know me only through this blog, I am the witty and sometimes humorous, recovering fat girl who admits to irrational fears and her unnatural love of cheesecake to the world wide web. You know me as the person who doesn't take myself too seriously...why else would I post a picture of myself, standing on the scale with toes that have been horribly neglected?!? This little piggy needs a PEDICURE!!
To those who know me in life...let me take this opportunity to say that you have my greatest sympathy for having to put up with my hot messiness on a daily basis...I am the girl that has lost 88lbs and yet still does not get ready for her day in front of a mirror. Pathetically enough, I blow dry my hair in the bathroom with my back turned to the huge mirror that takes up half my bathroom wall. It boggled my trainer's mind that when I was weight training I would always turn away so I would not be able to see myself working out. Those of you who have gone shopping with me recently know that you still have to steer me away from the plus size section of the clothing store, and have to sit through endless trying on sessions because I don't know what I like any more or what I can successfully pull off. Suddenly the "fat guy in a little coat" scene from Tommy Boy comes to mind. Hmmm...
Someone (and by someone I mean Grandma, Aunt B, Amy, Tory, and a whole laundry list of unfortunate souls who have chosen to be a part of my life and weight loss journey) recently told me that I needed to be confident in my body. Confident in my body?? What is this thing you speak of?? While I know that I no longer look the same as I did a year ago, or a few months ago (mostly from pictures that I once in a while come across), I still feel 245lbs. I still think that is the way I look. Yes, the clothes sizes have changed, but I just chalk that up to stretch jeans and Spanx! How else does a 5'3", 245lb woman fit into a size 9/10?!? I have always loved Spanx, but who knew they were so effective?!? They are miracle workers I tell you!! =) I naively thought that once I got somewhat skinny, that all my insecurities and doubts would simply vanish into thin air! Ummm...ya....about that.... At any rate, I have been told by multiple sources (mostly men -go figure) that the whole feeling fluffier than I actually am thing is mostly a "woman's issue", and that unless I recover from being a red blooded, American woman, I will never fully wrap my head around my weight loss and always feel that my butt is too big or my thighs are thunderous. FABULOUS! I feel soo much better all ready! Great pep-talk boys! Now just slap me on the butt and tell me to go win one for the Gipper and we will really have a winner!
I am seriously looking forward to the day when the urge to buy jeans 3 sizes too big subsides, and the confidence I have at work crosses over into my personal world. Until then I guess I will just pick myself up, rub some dirt on it, and fake it til I make it!
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