An Army of Moody

Anger ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness; anger concealed often hardens into revenge.

~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

This is going to be a rare blog.  For the first time ever I am going to be combine my two blogs. That's right!! Welcome to the first (and last) entry of The Adventures of Lindsay Moody Hotness!! 

"I've been standing where you left me, praying you would come and get me..."

I have been struggling more than a little with motivation lately. Happenings in my personal life have taken the wind from my sails.  Lies and betrayal  left me shattered, unmotivated, and unwilling to leave the couch to interact with the outside world, let alone spend some quality time with the treadmill.  I looked at the pictures from 2008 when I was at my lowest emotional point and my highest physical weight and recognized that, the girl smiling through the pain still lived inside me.  I was desperate for my favorite vice.  Food.  It makes everything feel better and in a world that was seemingly spinning out of control with one hurt after another, it was the only thing I thought I could control.  How sad that I believed that I could control food, when really, it controlled me.

"But now I've found my second wind.  Now I've found my second skin.  When you broke me into pieces, I gave each piece a name..."

Then it happened. The breaking point.  The point where one final act/request by another person pushed me over the edge.  I got angry.  No more! Enough is enough!  Do I look like a doormat that is here for your amusement?  Do you think you can beat me?  Do you think I am here to let you hurt me and then let you turn me into your errand girl?  Do you think I will allow you are anyone else to destroy me?  Do I look like a carrier pigeon, a member of the United States Postal Service, or a rider for the Pony Express?  Deliver your own dang messages.  I am not going to enable you to hurt me again!  Do you think you can break me? You couldn't be more wrong!  Hell hath no furry like a former fat chick, emotional eater, Moody woman scorned. (Pun is definitely intended) 

"One of me is wiser, one of me is stronger, one of me is a fighter, and there's a thousand faces of me. And we're going to rise up. For every time you broke me, well you're gonna face an army. Army of me!..."

I am not that scared, depressed, confused, hurting, hopeless girl any more.  I am a strong, independent, successful, beautiful (inside and out) woman who will not back down.  I will not and cannot be defeated.  I have been through and overcome too much to let a little pain defeat me.  The high road is not synonymous with the "getting walked all over road". I am too strong for that.  

"Welcome to my revolution.  All your walls are breaking down.  I see a glimpse of recognition, but it's too little too late.  And what you thought was your best decision, just became your worst mistake..."

Tonight I am back with a vengeance.  Nothing/no one is going to have the ability to control my emotions, eating, or weight.  I took back control.  I bought a new, pink iPod for the gym.  My phone has been a constant source of anxiety over the past several months and using it for music during my workouts has been detrimental.  I eliminated it.  I choose when I see a text message and when I hear a voice mail.  I went to the store and made a choice. I am actively choosing what I put in my body. No longer do my emotions or how another person makes me feel, control what I eat.  I am in charge and I will never stop fighting.

"So how does it feel to know that I beat you, that I can defeat you? Cause it sure feels sweet to me! One of me is wiser, on of me is stronger, one of me is a fighter!"