And Now the End is Near And so I Face the Final Curtain

You will have to indulge me one last overly dramatic blog title. This one is courtesy of Mr. Frank Sinatra!

So...here it is... my last blog post for Operation Moody Hotness.  After 6 months of blogging my journey through weight loss and healing, it is time to close up this chapter of my life.  It has been a lot of fun and at times super embarrassing to write about the struggle of eating and workouts.  Weight loss is so much more emotional and draining than I ever imagined!!  I am amazed that over that time there have been over 1500 views and countless comments, emails, text messages of support and inspiration.  Thank you! It is what kept me going when I wanted to sleep instead of go to the gym or reach for a carrot stick when I really wanted to grab a cookie.  I honestly hope that my journey has inspired others as much as they have inspired me.  We all have our own paths and I want all of you to know that I am dedicated to being your cheerleader and friend the entire way! Call me, text me, Facebook me (well if I haven't randomly deleted it for the 5th time that week..), or email me! Heck, I will even respond to carrier pigeons and smoke signals! I promise my pep talks won't include slapping you on the butt and telling you to "get back in there and win one for the Gipper!"

Here are the stats:

December 7,  2008       April 11, 2011:             October 11, 2011
 Weight: 245lbs               Weight: 188lbs                   Weight: 157lbs
      Size: 20w                     Size: 17/18                          Size: 9/10
 
These aren't the final numbers because there will never be a finish line.  This is a lifelong process and journey and I still have at least 12 more pounds to go until I get my beloved cheesecake, but I am definitely going to keep going beyond that 100lb mark.

Over the past almost 3 years, I have lost 88lbs yet gained so much more than I could ever measure by the digital number on the scale.  I have gained back my life and I have started the healing process.  That's right, "started" the healing process.  I still have things to address and changes to make before I will be free and ready to face a world of dating and hopefully, some day marriage and babies.  All healing comes one step at a time.  For me the healing process has looked like this:

1.  Leave Seattle
2.  Get Job
3.  Move Out and Become Self Sufficient
4.  Lose Weight (Operation Moody Hotness)
5. Let Go, Let God and Start Living!

Each of those steps has been a little harder than the previous.  Some days the act of getting out of bed was just too much for me to take and other days I felt I could conquer the world.  Just as it has been with every progress point before, as I stare at this final step, I am terrified! I know that there are going to be good days and days that are painful.  But as I have learned from the past 2 years and 10 months (but who's counting), the pain that comes from healing is temporary and when you come out on the other side, the sun shines a little brighter and you are a little freer.  It's all just part of peeling back another layer, taking another step of healing, and growing as a person.

I have said this many many times since my very first blog entry, Operation Moody Hotness was never about how I look on the outside.  The title actually came out of my sleep deprived brain one night around 3 a.m.  Some of my most creative/scary/slightly delusional ideas come from sleep deprivation.  I should probably do something about that!  For me Operation Moody Hotness was more about the internal and my heart.  Sure, I am a normal woman who wants to feel beautiful on the outside and the compliments are always nice to hear.  I am not going to pretend that it isn't.  However, for me to reach my true goal is to be a woman of God and the woman God created me to be.  I read the most amazing quote in a book yesterday and it literally caused me to stop and say "WOW" out loud (I am sure Gizmo was a bit confused!).

"A woman is not born a woman.  Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement.  A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

~Anonymous

That is what Operation Moody Hotness was all about.  It wasn't about looking sexy in a little black dress so I can get a date or have the world around me find me physically beautiful.  That is just too shallow, empty, and pointless.  It has been about getting rid of the superficial issues (the reasons behind my 100lb weight gain) and the distractions (using food as my crutch) so that God could get to my heart and make me the woman of God that He created me to be.  I had to get to a place where I could view food in a healthy way instead of as my means of control and at times, my god.  Now that I am free of the distractions and unhealthy views of food, my focus has changed:

1 Peter 3:3-4

  "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Proverbs 31:30

  "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

My greatest desire is to a woman after God's own heart and live in His freedom, love, and peace every moment of every day! Then, and only then, will I have achieved "Moody Hotness".

Saddest Day of My Food Loving Life

For those of you who think I am overly dramatic, I have only one thing to say to you...."PSH!!!!!!" Just keep reading until you pass judgment.  If you are not crying bitter tears of loss and emptiness at the end of this post, well then you just don't have a heart my friend.

Tonight I drove out to Nampa for the final of 7 (yes 7) family dinners.  After a week of pastas, fried chicken, sticky buns, dinner rolls, potatoes, brownies, lasagna, and fruit salads, I am pretty sure I have gained about 10lbs.  I am avoiding the scale.  When I arrived at my Grandma's there were delicious, homemade chocolate chip cookies.  I could smell their deliciousness from the moment I shut my car door.  My mouth watered, my tummy grumbled, and I couldn't wait for what I knew was going to be the most glorious cookie experience of my life.  Grandma NEVER bakes cookies any more and I was determined to savor each amazing morsel.

Well...

Things didn't go exactly as planned.  As I took my first bite of the amazing cookie, I felt my body reject the sweetness and chocolatey goodness! This must be a mistake! These are Grandma's cookies!!! They are soo delicious!!! Naturally I decided to whip my body and taste buds into shape with a second cookie.  Perhaps they are just not use to the rich blend of flavors that Grandma prepares with so much love.  Again, complete rejection from my stomach.  Now I was just torked.  I mean seriously! Everyone around me was thoroughly enjoying the cookies! It was this point, I should have admitted defeat.  I should have just raised the white flag and called it a night.  But did I do this wise thing?? Of course not! It became the battle of the wills.  Lindsay vs. Taste Buds/Stomach.  Round 1 had started with one cookie.  Round 12 came to crashing hault after 6 cookies and me lying on the floor moaning my defeat.  Taste Buds/Stomach win by way of knock out, 3 minutes and 22 seconds into the 12th round!  Now I am lying in bed wishing I was dead as, what feels like a Keebler elf, pounds tiny nails into my stomach.  There are no such tears as those cried in bitter disappointment!  What has happened to me?!?  Have I really trained my body to reject the taste of sugar? Am I never going to be able to enjoy Grandma's amazing desserts ever again? Why Me?!?!?

As I stare into the future depressingly devoid of Grandma's chocolate chip cookies, I am not afraid to admit that suddenly the world has lost a bit of it's color.  The joy has been taken from my step.  And yes, it must be said, I may have lost my will to eat (at least until my stomach stops torturing me for those last 4 cookies).  I guess I should just give up now and accept my fate of treadmills and endless sweat sessions at the gym.  Speaking of which, starts again on Monday.

Washington (2007) vs. Idaho (2011)

Who knew that the scales in Idaho and Washington could be so different! In 2007, while living in Washington I weighed a remarkable 160lbs.  Today, my new Idaho driver's license also reflects 160lbs.  That seriously cracks me up and makes me love the sweet old lady at the Washington DMV who didn't even blink when I told her I weighed 160lbs.  She must have been thinking "Ya right, and I'm the queen of England!", but instead she just smiled at me.

Death of a Diet at a Funeral.

Ok, so it isn't entirely the funeral's fault that I fell off the diet wagon, hit my head on a rock, and rolled into a pond filled with calorie enriched water of deliciousness!  I blame it partly on the annual sinus infection from Hades.  I hate being sick and frankly, for lack of a better term, I suck at it.  The only thing worse than being sick is being sick with a sinus infection.  The stuffy nose, lack of sufficient oxygen getting to the brain due to the stuffy nose, the sinus headaches, the sore throat brought on by the inexplicable draining of fluids from your head to your chest, the scratchy voice, and overall discomfort do absolutely nothing for my otherwise sunny disposition.  Of course, the only way to combat the sore throat is with ice cream! It is the only thing that brings even half a smile to my face during these times of trials and tribulation.  The only other items that cheer me up are Grandma's home made chicken noodle soup and mashed potatoes! Which brings me to the funeral killing my diet.  The only reason that Grandma made the delicious meal of chicken noodle soup and mashed potatoes is because there has been a ton of family coming in from out of town for the funeral which is tomorrow (Thursday).  So I guess, in part, my extended family is also to blame for the death of my diet and exercise program.  During this week it has been one family dinner after another.

             Sunday - Grandma's awesome previously described meal.
             Monday - Lunch at Westside Drive In (grease central...ick!)
             Tuesday - Lasagna Dinner at my parents
             Wednesday - Lasagna at Uncle Oren's (yes...again)
             Thursday - Whatever the church ladies send home with us!

You might be thinking that perhaps I could take personal responsibility for what I am putting in my mouth, and I suppose if I were sitting in your shoes I would have the exact same opinion on the matter.  However, you are not in the midst of the most epic battle of food vs treadmill! You are not on the front lines! I defy anyone in my position to say "no" to all the amazing home cooked meals that are being paraded in front of me daily.  I challenge any one of you to turn down a little old church lady's homemade casserole with a simple, "As amazing as that looks, please pass the celery instead"! We all know that those are the BEST casseroles on the planet!  In my weakened, sickly state how can you possibly expect me to have the will power and strength to pass on such deliciousness?!? Have you no heart?!?

At this point my only hope is to wait it out until Friday when all the extended family is leaving and there will be no more home cooked meals and family dinners to attend.  I will then have time to go back to the gym and my meager meals of apples and string cheese will once again become the norm.  I have exactly 48 more hours and I will be home free!!

Mind Over Matter

To those that know me from work, you may see me as the one who seems to have it all together.  I am the confident person that answers all your questions, encourages you when you are discouraged, and takes over when the call becomes too much and the customer wants to talk to someone else.  I am the one that builds your confidence when you have none.  

To those who know me only through this blog, I am the witty and sometimes humorous, recovering fat girl who admits to irrational fears and her unnatural love of cheesecake to the world wide web.  You know me as the person who doesn't take myself too seriously...why else would I post a picture of myself, standing on the scale with toes that have been horribly neglected?!? This little piggy needs a PEDICURE!! 

To those who know me in life...let me take this opportunity to say that you have my greatest sympathy for having to put up with my hot messiness on a daily basis...I am the girl that has lost 88lbs and yet still does not get ready for her day in front of a mirror.  Pathetically enough, I blow dry my hair in the bathroom with my back turned to the huge mirror that takes up half my bathroom wall.  It boggled my trainer's mind that when I was weight training I would always turn away so I would not be able to see myself working out.  Those of you who have gone shopping with me recently know that you still have to steer me away from the plus size section of the clothing store, and have to sit through endless trying on sessions because I don't know what I like any more or what I can successfully pull off. Suddenly the "fat guy in a little coat" scene from Tommy Boy comes to mind. Hmmm...

Someone (and by someone I mean Grandma, Aunt B, Amy, Tory, and a whole laundry list of unfortunate souls who have chosen to be a part of my life and weight loss journey) recently told me that I needed to be confident in my body.  Confident in my body?? What is this thing you speak of??  While I know that I no longer look the same as I did a year ago, or a few months ago (mostly from pictures that I once in a while come across), I still feel 245lbs.  I still think that is the way I look. Yes, the clothes sizes have changed, but I just chalk that up to stretch jeans and Spanx! How else does a 5'3", 245lb woman fit into a size 9/10?!?  I have always loved Spanx, but who knew they were so effective?!?  They are miracle workers I tell you!! =) I naively thought that once I got somewhat skinny, that all my insecurities and doubts would simply vanish into thin air! Ummm...ya....about that....  At any rate, I have been told by multiple sources (mostly men -go figure) that the whole feeling fluffier than I actually am thing is mostly a "woman's issue", and that unless I recover from being a red blooded, American woman, I will never fully wrap my head around my weight loss and always feel that my butt is too big or my thighs are thunderous.  FABULOUS! I feel soo much better all ready! Great pep-talk boys! Now just slap me on the butt and tell me to go win one for the Gipper and we will really have a winner! 

I am seriously looking forward to the day when the urge to buy jeans 3 sizes too big subsides, and the confidence I have at work crosses over into my personal world.  Until then I guess I will just pick myself up, rub some dirt on it, and fake it til I make it!  

Hello 150's!!!

Please ignore the fact that I am desperately overdue for a pedicure!  Life has been a little crazy lately and my poor toes have been neglected!  I did everything I could to not get my feet in the picture but if you have ever tried to take a picture while standing on a scale, you know that it is crazy awkward!! I honestly never thought that I would get to the point where I would want to take a picture of the scale, but I was sure that if I didn't take a picture today no one (including me) would believe the number!!  In fact, I weighed myself about 4 times just to make sure I wasn't dreaming!  Only 12.6lbs away from my goal of 100lbs of weight loss!  It is hard to believe that I started at 245lbs.  With every pound that I take off, I get a little stronger, a little braver, and a little more ready to tackle life.  It has been a long, painful road back to "Lindsay", and most days I want to just quit, but in the end it is all going to be worth it!  

Two Blogs In One Night?!? It Must Be Quite The Occasion!!

Consider yourself doubly blessed! Two blog posts in one day! Bare with me...it is a little long...

In the history of my blog I have never had an occasion in which I felt that two posts in one night was warranted.  Plus, I am just not that witty! Well, tonight the stars must have aligned in perfect formation!  This evening I enjoyed a time of food and shopping with some of my girlfriends.  Knowing that I needed clothes, we headed over to Maurices to engage in some much needed retail therapy.  Well...what I walked away with was a whole lot more than new clothes.  Yes, zipping up a size 9/10 (with a little help from my friend, Spanx) brought me a little bit of confidence, but I was still feeling super insecure about my body.  I figured that at least I would have a goal now.  Fit in new jeans, ASAP!  No food and all exercise = new jeans!  When I got home, my friend Tory and I were messing around and I decided that I would give myself further inspiration to hit the treadmill 12 hours per day.  I started pulling out the "skinny" jeans.  You know, the jeans that every woman has in the vain hope that one day they will once again be the size she was in high school!   I knew they wouldn't fit, but I told myself that it would be OK because it would just inspire me to work harder!

Well....

THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!!  Now granted, my "skinny" jeans aren't all that skinny.  They are a size 12 but in all fairness back when I went to high school, sizes did run smaller! The other good news - I have like 5 pair of jeans that I saved and they all work, which means outside of my smaller (and much snugger) new jeans from Maurices, I won't have to buy jeans for a couple of months!  Hooray for my wallet!

Then things got a little crazy.  I decided to try on the dress I wore to my brother's wedding 7 years ago.

Well....

IT FIT!!! It was actually a little bulky in places!

As I walked around my apartment in complete shock, I realized something that is super scary for me (beware...the Dr. Phil moment I promised would never happen is about to happen).  I can't hide behind my weight any more.  I can't hide behind being the overweight, broken girl that I have found so comforting over the past 3 years.  I am still overweight but I am not damaged or at least I don't have to be.  I still have my goal of 100lbs of weight loss, and my journey is far from over, but I am going to have to start finding a new excuse and a new "shtick" because the obese, funny, and slightly dumb blonde act just isn't cutting it any more - mainly because I am not any of those things.  Ok, I will admit to slight blonde moments on occasion.  With one zip into a pair of jeans that I wore when I was 18, I realized that it was time to be open again.  No more keeping people at arms length by making fun of my weight and acting like a complete idiot and pretending I am stupid.  I can be a strong, confident woman who has something to offer those around me.  Yes, there is an extremely good chance that I am going to get hurt again.  I am guaranteed that I am going to fail again at some point, but at least I will fail being me and not some "persona" that keeps people just close enough to become acquainted with, but never so close they can see who I really am.

Who knew that a pair of jeans could be more therapeutic than watching a year's worth of Dr. Phil re-runs!

New Jeans!!! 

Skinny Jeans!!!! 

It's Go Time!!!

Well...I didn't turn 27 in a little black dress.  I did try on dresses but was not feeling as confident as I wanted and wasn't quite sure I was ready to rock it the way I wanted to, so it stayed on the hanger.  That and other than 1 night out with the girls, I have no reason to ever wear a little black dress in public.  As much as I am sure that Gizmo would appreciate me wearing it around the house, I am not convinced that it would justify actually purchasing a dress to impress my 5lb yorkie!

In other news...

I have changed the mission of my blog.  I now have 8 weeks to lose 20lbs.  In reality, I am only 15 - 16 lbs away from my goal, but I don't want to meet my goal, I want to CRUSH it!!!! I am starting to realize how hard this is actually going to be.  First, it wasn't the most brilliant idea in the world to start my new mission during birthday week.  It might as have well been the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas!  There are cookies, doughnuts, cupcakes, dinners out, and everything else that comes with turning another year older.  Second, with the weight I have already lost, my body is starting to get a bit stingey on what it's willing to give up.  I personally find it to be rude and greedy!  I am going to have to be 100% focussed with 0 missed workouts and no cheating on my diet if I am going to hit 145lbs by November 24th.  The problem...I have already missed 1 workout and I am going to miss another one tonight! It is the end of birthday week and a night out with my girlfriends is in order!  It should be a fun night but come Monday all fun is over and it is GO TIME!!!!

Don't Feel Like Finding What I Lost!

To lose something means you want to find it.  I didn't lose weight, I released it!!! ~ Sandi Patty

Well I might have released 85lbs but I am pretty sure that after the weekend I just had, I brought of few of those "released" pounds back into captivity!! Actually it has been a crazy couple of weeks full of stress "starving" (lack of consumption of food due to the effects of stress in an individual's life ~ L. Moody) mixed with mild to severe stress eating. So far September has been more "Operation Moody Hot Messness" than "Operation Moody Hotness".  My motto has been "breathe" and as one person recently texted me R-E-L-A-X (something I felt was completely un-called for! I am nothing if not the epitome of mellow! I mean it! Look it up, my picture is right next to the word "zen" in the dictionary!)  I do have to say though, that I have managed the impossible.  In almost a month of running around like a Jack Russell terrier on Speed and having more nervous energy than a psych hospital, I have managed to lose...drum roll please...1 pound!!!  Huh?!?  Really?!?  Who likes the little digital numbers on the stupid scale anyway? NOT ME!

I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to reach my goal of 100lbs total weight loss by black Friday (turning the big 2-7), however there is nothing stopping from reaching that goal by Thanksgiving!! Awww...just in time to buy a pair of Thanksgiving eating pants (maternity pants) and go to town for 12 hours straight on ham, potatoes, desserts, and anything else my beautiful Mom decides to whip up!  Yep! Brilliant plan!!  Release 100lbs into the wild only to put them back into captivity in 1 day.  I think this is going to work out well!!!

Turning 27 In a Little Black Dress...With a Little Help From My Friends!

^^^^^^I vote...ICE CREAM!!! ^^^^^^

I started dreading birthdays beginning with the year I turned 20.  Something about turning another year older, watching my youth pass by me, all the while not being where I thought I would be in life, put me into a decidedly less than festive mood.  Ever since that fateful birthday, I have been in the business of feeling waay older than I actually am.  I have pre-ordered my AARP card, found a great plastic surgeon, and pre-scheduled my dual knee and hip replacements!! It is one of the few times in my life I am actually prepared!  Generally birthdays are celebrated by wearing black sackcloth, throwing ashes in my hair, and wailing incessantly for 24 hours.  Of course I do manage to appropriately drown my sorrows in chocolate mousse cheesecake!  What good is being in a persistent mourning state if there isn't any cheesecake??

Well...this year, on an undisclosed date (a lady does not tell...so you will just have to find out on Facebook like everyone else!) I will turn the big 2-7 and it will be different...hopefully...

While I am still not where I thought I would be in life, I do have soo much to celebrate.  Granted, I may not be married to George Strait, Harrison Ford, Colin Firth, or Patrick Dempsey (yet), but I do have amazing friends and family who love me unconditionally, put up with my craziness, see the real me no matter what little show/nervous act I put on, and have encouraged me every step of my weight loss journey.  It is even true that I am not going to reach my goal of 100lbs of weight loss by my 27th birthday. Given the time frame I have left I don't think that 15lbs is feasible, however I do get to celebrate 85lbs of weight loss and a whole new lease on life and the ability to do things that I wouldn't have previously been able to do at 245lbs.  

I have recently decided that this year I will not wail or throw ashes in my hair.  Honestly, it makes a mess and I can't afford to continually replace my Dirt Devil due to over use and ash build up.  I don't do anything half way! If I am going to throw ashes in my hair, I expect my head and all that surrounds it covered in soot!  I am also giving up my chocolate mousse cheesecake.  That's right! No cheesecake for me this year.  I am still holding out for that 100lb weight loss before I take another bite of cheesecake! The one thing I am not giving up is black.  I don't want to give that up so this is the year that I will be wearing the fabled little black dress.  I know, I know...my body is no where near rocking it out Cindy Crawford style, however, that is why God allowed the creation of Spanx!!  Diamonds are commonly referred to as a girl's best friend (and hey, who am I to argue with a little gorgeous bling), however this is not true!! Spanx are the greatest creation since the beginning of ice cream and ironically the reason we ladies need the delightful little contraptions!

So, with a little help from my friend "Spanx" (honorable mention goes to Amy for supplying me with said black dress), I am going to party like it is 1999 and enjoy turning another year older.  I may not be where I thought I would be in life, but I am where I need to be and that feels better than any dream scenario I could ever come up with! 

***Update***

I have lost 28lbs since April 8th.  Super Excited!!!! 

To Eat, Or Not To Eat...That Is My Every Day Question

Every day there is a constant buffet of temptation in my world.  Forty plus hours a week I dwell in the land of cookies, candies, and cakes...Oh My! You got 4 upgrades on one call!!!  Here's a Snickers bar!!  You got 100% on your Q.A.!!!  Take this Reeses Peanut Butter Cup!!  You successfully converted oxygen to carbon dioxide?!?  Here's a doughnut! Keep up the great work! If you aren't being rewarded individually, then you are being rewarded for being part of a successful work week and DirecTv loves to buy lunch for everyone! It is a little easier on my days off...as long as I don't leave my apartment!  Running errands turns into a hide and seek game against fast food restaurants and u-Swirl locations.  I am sure I look like a crazy person in my car talking to the carrot stick on my right shoulder, urging me to stay the course and eat Subway for the 90th time that week, and the cheesecake on my left shoulder who, I must say, is rather convincing in its argument  for "just taking one bite won't kill your diet or make you gain weight!"  

Lately...I am sorry to admit that I have been listening more to the cheesecake on my shoulder than to the carrot stick!  What can I say?  The cheesecake is A LOT more fun and the carrot stick is a bit of a drag!  Of course, as is always the case when listening to the wrong voice, I immediately feel disgusting after eating the food I know I shouldn't eat.  How can something that tastes soo good, make me feel so horrible?!?  I am starting to feel betrayed by "yummy" foods and their false advertisement of joy and merriment!! Why do I continue to make the wrong decision when it comes to food when I know that it does not give me the desired end result?  Tomorrow starts a new week and a new day and I am sincerely hoping that I can stay on the path to 145lbs by September 23rd.  

Pants

Yes....I not only currently own both pairs of pants in the picture, but I have worn them both.  The first I wore in December 2008.  The second pair of pants I wore yesterday!

And This Makes Me Pretty Happy!!! 

I still have a ways to go, but I have to be happy with my progress.  In only about 16lbs I will have accomplished 100lbs of weight loss.  I would ultimately like to end up around 120lbs.  I don't know if that will happen as my will power seems to fading and the need for cheesecake grows stronger!!! Stay tuned...

As I Digress in Age....I Mean Weight....

Or maybe I do mean age...who knows!  This is what I do know.  As I get closer and closer to my pre-stupid head guy who broke my heart weight and pre-eating my emotions weight, I am finding that I am feeling more and more like the "Old Lindsay".
 

-SIDE BAR - 

I am a bit hesitant to use the word "old" in front of my name, especially since I am single.  It conjures up images of 49 cats (50 cats would just be depressing) wandering around my apartment, while I watch Matlock in one of my favorite kitty cat sweaters, drinking Metamucil and Tang. Or worse...living in my parents' basement screaming for my "ma" to make me some meatloaf! ***Shudder***

It is best if I move on from that train of thought before the therapy bills really start to rack up!! So...back to "Old Lindsay".  What I mean by "old" is simply that as I am losing weight and getting closer to where I use to be, I am starting to feel like myself again. By "old" I probably mean young.  Young Lindsay who didn't carry the weight of super sized fries, Big Macs, chips, candy, cake, cookies, etc around my waist!  It is hard to explain but when I was in the middle of my weight gain and then at my heaviest weight of 245lbs, I didn't "feel" like Lindsay.  Perhaps it was indicative (woohoo....the proper use of a BIG word!! Maybe Mom and Dad don't need to call my private school and ask for a refund after all!) of what I was going through at that time in my life. 

 I was all sorts of a hot mess.  I was away from everything that  made me "me".  I was in Washington with zero friends or family and in a relationship that was less than ideal and extremely unhealthy.  I am not going to go into any details but let's just say...he wasn't George Strait (everyone knows George is the ultimate prince charming...well anyone with common sense anyway)!  I had completely lost touch of "home" physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  All the things that usually comforted me seemed to be a million miles away and in the absence of those things I turned to the one thing that was always there (no, I didn't start sucking my thumb! Do you know how much money went into my mouth?! My parents would have killed me if I had screwed up my jaw/bite!), food.  Oh glorious food!  I started small...pizza, chips, brownies, and cookies; you know....gateway foods! Then when the thrill of what those foods had to offer was gone I had to move on to something else.  I needed to fly on the wings of sugar until I was able to surf the waves of the delicious chocolate milky way!  It was around this time that I started my scandalous and elicit affair with two men who were not my husband.  You guessed it. Ben & Jerry.  I was in heaven with every delicious bite!  Somehow my days were more bearable knowing that at home I had two extremely delightful men waiting for me in my freezer.  However, the romance soon fizzled and having two men waiting in my freezer for me to get home at night was starting to get a bit creepy (well it sounds creepy now at least), so I needed something else.  Something that reminded me of home.  Something that was so wonderful that the mere whisper of its name would send chills down my spine...cheesecake!! 

Ok...so this is not a blog on how I gained the weight or how wonderful cheesecake is, but I did feel it important to give some sort of back story to properly paint the picture of how lost I was and how close I have come to full circle.  I have been on this weight loss journey for a little over a year and as I have previously written numerous times, regardless of my clever and probably most brilliant title ever (humor me) of my blog, it really has nothing to do about outward hotness.  It has been about healing.  There have been so many milestones over the past year and it has definitely been a struggle. I am no where near the finish line but judging on the recent additions of Dolly Parton, Conway Twitty, and Newsboys to my iPod, I would say I am getting closer and closer to home.

Irrational vs. Rational Fears

It is very out of the ordinary that I actually have a rational thought let alone a rational fear.  The weight loss process has definitely brought out my dramatic side and I have found myself staying up at night thinking about how I may wake up dead due to the loss of internal organs.  Hear me out on this one...because if you weren't already convinced that I need  a psychiatric evaluation or possibly inpatient care (I hear Washington has a couple of nice "places"...), you will have absolutely no doubt that I should be declared legally insane!!  I have convinced myself that my organs were only being held in place by the large deposits of extra "fluff" in my body.  The more I lose said "fluff" the looser my organs get.  What if I lose so much that I don't have any "fluff" left and my organs being slowly slipping out of place and eventually just fall out of my body??  That could be slightly inconvenient as I am sure God didn't just fill my body with things like a heart, liver, kidneys, lungs, etc just to fill in some gaps between my bones and veins!  And...in case you are wondering....no, I haven't spent that much time thinking about exactly where they would fall out and I am pretty sure it is best that none of us even go there!

You would think with my overly active imagination that I wouldn't have time to actually come up with anything of substance to think about or say, however the other day the strangest thing happened to me!  In between thoughts of looking like a bug-eyed pug and internal organs mysteriously abandoning me in my greatest time of need...I had a normal, sane, rational thought that caused a normal, sane, rational fear...cue the light bulb over my head!  As you may recall, I was insanely excited about hitting the 160's!! I couldn't believe that I had finally beaten the evil 170's at their own game!  My excitement was even furthered when I stepped on the scale and the little digital glow of the number on the scale flashed 166 at me! Woo...crap.  I looked in the mirror.  That is right! Before I could even get to the "hoo" of my "Woohoo", my bubble burst, the parade got a lot of rain, the wind was taken out of my....well you get the point.  I realized that I still look horribly over weight.  The longer I stared in the mirror, the more I found that I didn't like.  Sure I have cheekbones for the first time in 5 years and the pictures show a huge transformation, but I am still not happy.  Here is where the fear kicked in.  If you had told me in June 2010, at 210lbs (I had already lost 35lbs), that I would still look overweight at 166 and that I would not like what I saw, I would have laughed! After 79lbs of weight loss, how would I not look and feel amazing?!?  Well...I am here to say that it is true.  I am now thinking about 145lbs...100lbs of total weight loss...will I like it?  What if after all my hard work and tears, I reach 100lbs of weight loss (literally lose the weight equivalent of a Backstreet Boy) and am still not happy? Will I ever feel good and be content??  What if I just feel the urge to keep going and going but never reach a place of satisfaction?? What if this becomes an unhealthy addiction??

I have a feeling I may not have anything to worry about! As much as I miss cheesecake, I am pretty sure being overly aggressive about my weight loss won't be a problem.  What will be a problem is with the number of people who have offered to take me to The Cheesecake Factory as soon as I hit 145lbs, I may actually gain all the weight back!! CRAP!!! And now, thanks to my own brilliant blogging therapy, I have uncovered yet another fear...what if I gain it all back?!?  AGH!!!

April vs. August - 20lbs Down...22lbs To Go!!

April 2011

August 2011

April 2011

August 2011

Welcome To The 160's!!

Well hello there, 169.2!!  What has it been....6 years since we last met??  What a shock it is too run into you at 5:30 in my bathroom...on the scale!! Well I am super glad you were here, but I hope the next time I see you, you are more like 167!!

This morning I got a pretty big shock.  I have been stuck at 170 for about 2 - 3 weeks now.  It has been super frustrating but a little understandable because I was gaining muscle and losing inches.  I wasn't happy about it and  had completely resigned myself to the fact that I was going to spend the next 50 years of  my life at 170lbs as some sort of sick joke that my metabolism was playing on me!  I was just about to break my vow of abstinence from cheesecake until I reached my goal weight, when I made a fateful decision...  I chose to weigh myself.  This morning at exactly 5:30 a.m. I decided to stand on the small platform and pray that the little digital number that popped up wasn't higher than 170.  I convinced myself to expect 173 or 174 and I told myself that it would be OK because there was the comforting taste of chocolate mousse cheesecake in my near future.  However, the digital scale gods had another plan.  I stood on the scale and when that little 169.2 popped up I just about passed out! I did a jig and smiled hugely! I wanted to sing so the hills could hear me belt out at the top of my lungs, "The scales are alive with the sound of 169!!!"  (What can I say...I love the Sound of Music!)  However, since I live in a rather well populated apartment complex with neighbors next to me and below me, I felt it may possibly jeopardize my neighbor relations if my jubilant song served as an alarm clock for the neighborhood.  But hey! The thought was there!

In all seriousness, this gave me the boost I needed to keep going.  I have struggled so much with motivation but now I am not even tempted to cheat on my diet.  I didn't make it to the gym tonight and my lack of gym activity is something that I need to fix but for now I am going to bask in the glow of the 160's.

v v v v v v v v v v v v A Replica of My Happy Jig at 5:30 v v v v v v v v v v v v v

Today - Failure...But Not An Epic One

So today I failed at going to the gym, however, my failure was not complete.  I did follow my diet...for the most part.  Hey! Don't judge me!! It was free taco day at DirecTv and everyone knows there is nothing more delicious (other than cheesecake) than FREE tacos!!!  I did manage to eat only 2 small ones and even though the deliciousness of the mouth-watering morsels of Mexican food beckoned me...I did not go back for more. I was strong. I said "no" to temptation.  I was victorious! In addition to winning an epic victory over temptation, I followed my diet plan today!! So excited!!!  I even cooked...and by "cooked" I mean used my microwave...dinner tonight!! It was a delicious meal of grilled chicken.

My main failure was that I didn't make it to the gym tonight.  Bad...I know...  I needed to go BUT (and here come the excuses) I got home later than I intended, talked to an amazing friend on the phone, needed to do laundry, had to practice my under-water basket weaving skills, put WD40 on my chainsaw chain, re-built the engine of my car, alphabetized my hand sanitizer and bath gel, and finally did a scientific study on what came first...the chicken or the egg??  The results of my study were inconclusive.

So...perhaps I should admit that I didn't do EVERYTHING on the above list...I didn't actually get to do laundry because I was out of soap.  I am fairly certain that missing the gym to WD40 a chainsaw chain on a chainsaw I don't actually own, is definitely important.  We all have to have priorities!! In all honesty, I blame my friend Tory for my lack of gym time.  That's right! She's the one that cleaned my apartment and made it all welcoming and homey and clean-smelling!  If my place had stayed a jungle of laundry and makeup and all sorts of random stuff that was taken out of my car...I would have wanted to leave ASAP and rushed immediately to the gym! 

The good news is that because I accomplished SOOO much tonight, I will have plenty of free time to spend with the treadmill.  The other piece of good news is that I haven't gained any weight.  Even with my lack of activity, I have managed to maintain the same weight from last week.  My focus is to lose 3lbs by next Friday.  I have decided that my end goal is 25lbs by September 23, 2011.  Rather than fixating on that end goal, I am going to look at each week as an individual opportunity to succeed!!!

 Hammer Time! 

Lonely Lindsay: Day 1

Ok so I wasn't exactly lonely in a gym full equipment and cute boys working on their muscles (some of them looked like poster children for Muscle Milk!), but it was definitely different not having a trainer to push me to take it to the next level.  I did about  45 minutes of cardio between the bike and treadmill.  I knocked out 75 crunches and 15 full sit ups.  I did do a little work on my legs but not too much since they are still a little tender from last week's torture.  Overall I would say my 1 hour 15 minute workout was a success.  Last night I Zumba'd it up and loved it!!! I am thinking that Zumba is going to become my new cardio exercise of choice! I love it!!! I use to think that I was a decent dancer with decent rhythm but boy was I wrong! My hips just don't move like they use to and when I try to make them, I end up looking like a constipated cow exhibiting the dance the Oompa Loompa's did in Willy Wonka!

I have also discovered that weight training (if that's what you can call what I did today) is not so bad with a great playlist of workout jams on my iPod!!

Today's Playlist:
1. Play That Funky Music White Boy
2. Party Up In Here (classic CLEAN version of DMX's hit)
3. I Love Rock'n'Roll
4. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It (who doesn't love old school Will Smith??)
5. In Da Club
6. All I Do Is Win
7. This Is How We Do It!
8. Whoomp There It Is!
9. Blaze of Glory (Bon Jovi FOREVER!!)
10. Living on a Prayer (again with the Bon Jovi)

The great news is that I made it to the gym...albeit late...by myself and managed a decent workout! Tomorrow is a new day and a new challenge to stay self-motivated!!

End of an Era

So today marked the end of my personal training era.  For the past year I have been working non-stop with a personal trainer and it has been awesome for my weight loss.  I wouldn't take back any of the time or money spent.  It was worth every penny.  I am finally to the point that I feel like I need to try this on my own.  It is now or never and if I can't keep up the workouts and the commitment to myself without paying someone to torture me, then I have really learned nothing in the past year.  I will admit that it is a little scary to go out on my own and see if I have what it takes to motivate myself and push beyond my perceived limits.  I am contemplating a few things to possibly ease me into this new phase of my weight loss.  There is always the option of group training classes that are less expensive than one-on-one sessions.  I can also attend various classes like Zumba and kick boxing, or even sign up for a boot camp or two.  At this point it is about proving to myself that I am able to keep going without someone holding my hand and pushing me.  It is time for me to be a big girl and show myself how bad I really want these last 25lbs before I spend even more money on my weight loss journey.  Tomorrow will be my first test.  I usually met with a trainer every Wednesday morning and that held me accountable to showing up to the gym.  Tomorrow morning I will not have that accountability.  Will I still wake up and work out or will I take advantage of sleeping in and really only cheat myself out of reaching the goals I have set for myself?? Stay Tuned....

You're Invited To A Party!!!

You are cordially invited to the Pity Party of Miss Lindsay Moody!!! 

Where: Operation Moody Hotness Blog

When: All day every day!! The party never ends!!! 

Theme: Please come equipped with a walk that is slower than most 85 year olds and accessorize with a slumped over back and slight limp.  A permanent grimace every time you sit down, stand up, move, or breathe is also required.

RSVP: Not necessary. The more the merrier! 

Party Favors: IB Profren, Icy Hot, Heating Pads, and an intense longing for Deep Tissue Massages (the "longing" is free, you will have to book and pay for your own massage!)

Yes, I know that I brought this whole extreme soreness thing on myself.  Yes, I know that YOU believe that in the end it will be worth it, me...not so much.  I firmly believe that instead of workouts that leave me wishing I could just amputate my insanely sore limbs using a dull spoon (pretty sure this would be less painful than what I am experiencing right now), what I really need is intense psychotherapy to determine why I have the need to pay to be tortured, leaving my body in a state of extreme distress.  Perhaps electroshock therapy might be in order, or even a lobotomy!!

If you are going to tell me that in the end I will be thankful for my pain and that soreness is a good thing because it means my body is out of its comfort zone and there for working harder to burn calories - I will tell you this, "You're rational, well-informed logic has no place at my pity party."  That's right! There will be no party poopers at my Pity Party!  

Death By Weigh Training

So the title may be a touch dramatic but it is completely accurate! Besides, this is my blog and I reserve the right to be as dramatic as I see fit.  It is also not lost on me that it is entirely possible that I will die from weight training as my entire upper body (hands, arms, fingers, shoulders, upper back, neck, nose, eyelids, and hair follicles)  feels as though it could crumble at just the slightest movement, and judging by the work out my trainer gave my lower body today...tomorrow I will be all sorts of a hot mess.  Just follow me for a minute - if I am correct and my hands, arms, fingers, shoulders, upper back, neck, nose, eyelids, and hair follicles decide that they can't handle even the mere thought of another morning at the gym and subsequently fall off/out my body, it could potentially cause a bit of a problem with my day to day activities.  Imagine then that my legs adopt the same philosophy...I will be nothing but a bald head.  This would be especially inconvenient due to the fact that I live alone and I am pretty sure Gizmo would be less than helpful due to his lack of hand/eye coordination.  

So in light of the above irrational fear of the century, there is only one naturally rational and logical response.  No more gym/weight training! No gym = no sore muscles. No sore muscles = loyal/happy limbs that never feel the need to leave me! Loyal/happy limbs that never feel the need to leave me = guilt free trip to Cheesecake Factory!! Genius! I fix my problem of extreme pain, my fear of abandonment, and indulge my love of chocolate mousse cheesecake in one fatal swoop! 

I have seen quite a bit progress in the last few weeks.  I have officially reached 75lbs of weight loss!! I am so close to my goal!! Only 25lbs to go! I am encouraged by my progress even though I don't enjoy some of the immediate side effects to my hard work.  This week I need to kick it up a notch and get serious about my cardio time! I need 6 hours in 5 days!  I am hoping that I am able to celebrate my 27th birthday in style with a little black dress and a big jump out of a perfectly good airplane with nothing between me and the ground except for a cloth parachute!!  That's right!! Sky Diving!! I have 2 months to lose 25lbs. if I am going to reach my goal of losing 100lbs by my birthday. This means I need to average 3lbs per week!  Time to put my game face on and DOMINATE!!!! 

The Joys of Self-Sabotage

I am a mess.  Oh yes, a hot mess!  This weight loss thing is never going to end and I am pretty sure that at this point in the game it would be much more enjoyable to just hit the dang Cheesecake Factory and eat my body weight in cheesecake! That would be 171lbs of pure joy and merriment!!! Sure, my arteries are going to cry when I walk in the door and the sugar shock will lead to an inevitable heart attack, but seriously...What A Way To Go!!!!

I self sabotaged tonight.  I got stressed out discussing a personal issue with a friend of mine and my first instinct was to dive into a Whopper.  I don't even like Whoppers and at this very moment I am pretty sure I am going to commence projectile vomiting (sorry if that was a bit graphic).  I feel disgusting.  Barf!! I am not Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura or anything, but the subject I was discussing was the exact reason for my weight gain in the first place.  It is also my number 1 trigger for stress eating...now I am not exactly a rocket scientist but I am pretty sure there might be a connection here.  Just saying.  At any rate, tomorrow is another day and hopefully one that is free of binge eating inducing conversations and Whoppers!

July 2010 vs. July 2011

July 2010

Camping, Weight Loss, and S'Mores

I spent the last weekend camping with my family.  I was super excited to spend time with my family eating cookies, s'mores, hot dogs, huge breakfasts, pop, chips, and...well you get the point.  I had completely resigned myself to gaining 5lbs in 4 days and figured that if I had to sacrifice fruit, vegetables, and grilled chicken in order to fully participate in the Moody fun...well that was a sacrifice I would just have to make.  It is hard to be this selfless but someone had to do it.  In order to not completely blow my diet, I did take a few healthy snacks for me to eat.  Imagine my shock when I arrived at the campsite and found that my mom had stocked their 5th wheel with mainly healthy food and snacks.  Outside of a couple of ice cream bars (Silver Mint Schwann Man Deliciousness!!!) and my dad's beloved Chocodiles, there was virtually NO junk food!! She explained to me that she worked really hard to make sure that I had healthy food to eat and that it would be good for the rest of the family to eat healthier on the trip as well.  WHAT?!?!?  No Cheetos?  No pop?  No cookies?  What kind of camping trip was this????  Did I take a wrong turn and end up at a fat camp??   

In all honesty I was super touched that my mom made such an effort to support me and my goals.  She went so far as to deny herself, my dad, and little brother (all of which don't need to lose weight) of their usual favorite snacks in order for me to not fall completely off track.  It was rather funny when my dad came into the 5th wheel looking for some packaged cookies and was told there weren't any!  He looked rather shocked and  saddened.  Luckily for him, my big brother and his wife had brought all sorts of delicious snacks so my dad was not completely deprived! In addition to the health food, my mom and sister in law went on long walks with me and encouraged me to stay active instead of lounging around the camp site all day. It was so fun to take Gizmo for walks and see all the beautiful scenery.  I ended up going for a jog one evening with Gizmo.  I have discovered that 5lb Yorkies aren't exactly the greatest running partners.  It was a tough jog up hills and on gravel and half way through the 2nd hill, Gizmo sat down and refused to budge.  I ended up jogging and carrying him.

I will admit to eating one s'more.  Don't judge me! Camping isn't camping without soot covered, roasted marshmallows! Overall it was great trip and time with my family.  After weighing this morning it looks like even though my routine was interrupted and a s'more was eaten, I lost 1lb while camping!!  I am slowly learning how to balance life and my new lifestyle! 

My Digits

No...I am not passing out my phone number...I know you are extremely disappointed...

What I am going to do is let the world know that in 4 weeks, I have lost 8.5 inches off my body.  That is total of inches lost of my biceps, legs, waist, etc.  Not bad considering I haven't been exactly a saint with my eating.  I was super happy with my new numbers because it gives me the motivation to keep going and to clean up my eating.  So...the quest of Moody Hotness continues....1 inch at a time! 

Bike Adventures

My cousin Ethan and I have been spending time together riding our bikes.  We have braved bugs, bike butt, shin splints, and honking cars!  Sunday we went for one of our more challenging rides to Eagle.  It doesn't sound like a big deal and at first it really wasn't.  We were enjoying our nice, leisurely ride to Eagle which was of course all down hill, when it dawned on my that if it was downhill the whole way to our destination...it would be uphill the entire way back.  That was a slight miscalculation on our parts.  The second miscalculation was that we decided to eat dinner in town before we started to ride back.  After eating a large fried meal, we realized that it was almost 9 p.m. and should probably head back.  About half way up the monstrous hill, my side started aching...then the other side started hurting...then my legs wanted to give out...then I ate a bug (involuntarily)...then my little toe started to hurt...then my shoulders gave out....then....ok so I am being ever so slightly dramatic, but in my defense...it was NOT fun!!! In the end we made it back to my apartment in one piece.  That is more than I can say for the stupid little bugs that felt the need to fly into my face!

Much Over-Due Update

Well....I kinda broke that rule today.  For the first time in months I threw up during a work out. Bleck! I totally wimped out!!! It was my own fault because I failed to eat breakfast before I went.  BIG MISTAKE!!! Who knew that hitting the snooze button 1 too many times could have so many unpleasant consequences!  It probably doesn't help that I have been eating horribly lately.  If it even looked healthy I didn't want to touch it!! Bring on the doughnuts, cookie salad, fried food, pie, ice cream, mini candy bars...you get the picture.  The mere idea of an apple has been a revolting thought...let alone actually putting it in my mouth.  Well today, I suffered the consequences! No more junk food! I have to get on track or I will never meet my goals and I have some pretty big goals!!   I left the gym after the unfortunate projectile vomiting situation but I fully intend to go back today, or at least ride my bike for a while.  

One of the biggest challenges I have faced through this process is balancing my life and workouts.  I tend to go the extreme.  Either I spend all my time at the gym and completely ignore any sort or social life/family, or I spend all my time socializing and totally abandon my workouts.  I have tried to blend the two worlds with walks on the greenbelt or bike rides, but it has proven difficult.  Not all of my friends are as active as I am or if they are, they don't have the time when I am available.  It is hard because I get sorta tired of working out alone.  I have a feeling that I am going to be struggling with this balance for the rest of my life if I am going to continue down the path of living healthier.

There has been one major incentive to go to the gym...the guys.  There are two insanely cute guys at the gym. One works there and one simply lives there (at least that is what it looks like).  Suddenly the gym is so much more fascinating...well at least on Wednesdays!!! =) 

We will see how this week goes.  Hopefully I find some balance and maybe a few carrots! 

Struggling

Lately I have been struggling hard core with my eating and motivation to go to the gym.   I love riding my bike and going for walks on the greenbelt, but I know they aren't doing the job as far as max calorie burn goes.  The worst thing is that I am not resisting temptation well at all.  Every where I go at DirecTv there is food.  Cookies, candy, doughnuts, ice cream, pizza...all free.  It isn't just at work that I am eating the wrong food.  I crave Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers, frozen yogurt, and french fries.  It is not a good thing.  I don't work out more than 2 days a week and I have 0 motivation to actually go to the gym.  I have only worked out with my new trainer once and am supposed to go back on Tuesday.  I was doing great for 6 weeks and then everything got thrown off.  I need to get back to the place where I was going to the gym 6 days a week and eating right.  My project has been much more difficult than I ever thought it would be.  My doctor has said that weight loss and lifestyle changes are something that are 3 years in the making.  It takes 1 -2 years to lose the weight and 1 year to maintain the weight loss/make it a permanent lifestyle.  I think my problem is impatience.  I am not seeing the progress that I want so I am becoming apathetic.  I know that eating junk food isn't going to get me to my goal, so I am going to have to just bite the bullet and get back to the business of losing weight.

Newest Torture Device

Ladies and Gentlemen: I give you the Bicycle!!!

Now don't get me wrong just from reading the title, my bike is awesome! It is fun to ride, burns calories, helps tone my legs, and the best part...matches my car! I am going to look so cute when I get a bike rack!! I will drive around town with my matching bike and car!! I am going to have to budget a bit more gas money first though!  The bike itself is not the torture device.  The seat is.  Last night my cousin Ethan and I decided to take our bikes to the greenbelt.  It would have been fine had we not decided to ride all the way to Boise State University (sadly, I wasn't wearing my Vandal shirt! Ugh! Missed opportunity!).  It is just under 13 miles round trip, and something we did in about an hour and 15 minutes.  We kept a great pace and things were going quite fabulously until about mile 6.  That is when the "bike butt" flared up! The seats that come with the bike are less than soft.  I didn't think much of this when my parents bought it for me, because let's just say, I have ample padding of my own!  Not so much.  Oh, I do have ample padding, but I don't think there is enough padding in the world to compensate for the brick I was sitting on!   I am almost positive that the bruises I now have on the backs of my legs and booty are permanent and I may have a permanent imprint of the word "Mongoose" in a very unfortunate spot! 

I do have to say that I am extremely proud of Ethan and I! We rocked the greenbelt!! It was so much fun to get out of the gym and in the fresh air.  The only down fall was the amount of bugs that are around the river.  I am pretty sure I ate a few, and the ones that I didn't end up digesting were splattered on my shirt and in my hair.  I couldn't wait to get home and shower! Maybe on our next ride we can take my 10 speed off some sick jumps! 

Sitting on my bike!

Proof I actually road the bike! 

Another Day...Another Diet

Almonds, string cheese, and apples...Oh My!  So as you may have guessed from the title, I have embarked on a new meal plan.  I started with my new trainer today, and while my time with her will be short lived, I find no reason as to why I shouldn't at least give her plan a try.  She seemed nice enough and was somewhat receptive to my training rules:

1. No Jumping - this is non-negotiable and I will kick you in the shins should you try to force me into lateral movement of any kind.
2. I don't eat fish - don't even try to convince me that it is delicious and healthy. I got fat in the first place because I don't like healthy food and the mere smell and thought of seafood makes me gag
3. I don't care that Milk does a body good, I am not going to consume it, so you will save yourself a lot of time and energy if you accept this now instead of later.  If I had previously cared about doing good to my body I would have laid off the cheesecake and ate broccoli instead! 

Having made that clear, we started my work out.  I can tell that I may need to come up with some more rules because I soon found myself doing 4 sets of 30 reps at each station.  I am positive this activity was violating some rule...oh yes... the "Moody Family Rule" - which states "If you can't put gas in it, use batteries, or plug it in...we don't do it!" ~ J. Moody.  Due to my clear violation of this sacred, family rule my shoulders may never forgive me! I am pretty sure that some of the things she had me doing have been outlawed by the Geneva convention and I know I would prefer water boarding.  Somehow the idea of drowning currently sounds more appealing than doing one more curl or chest press. Just saying.


She also switched up my diet. So....drum roll please....the new menu:

Breakfast: Protein Shake or Eggs
Snack: Apple and Lowfat String Cheese
Lunch: Ham Sandwich or Grilled Chicken Salad with Wish Bone Spritzer Dressing (1 calorie per spray)
Snack: 12 Whole Almonds and Small Piece of Fruit
Dinner: 4 oz of Chicken or Turkey, 1 cup Green Veggies, and  1/2 cup Brown Rice or Pasta
Evening Snack (optional): Protein Shake

I am going to try it out and see if this helps with my weight loss.  I am only training 2 days a week now so my cardio will be amped up to 4 days a week instead of 3.  I am still anxious and excited to start working with Jonathan again in a couple of weeks, but I figure I can learn something from Brandee and hopefully become a stronger individual by taking the best from each of the two trainers I have worked with.  As long as no one makes me jump... 

Back On The Wagon

So...lately I have been feeling like this:

With everyone around me from my sister-in-law to two of my cousins and several friends having babies, I have definitely felt like the chick without an excuse, especially when most of them are already skinnier than I am!!  My week of joy and food merriment probably didn't help either.  After an entire week of eating what I wanted, when I wanted it (regardless of whether or not I was actually hungry), I finally feel just disgusting and bloated enough to get back on that diet wagon and hit the treadmill.  I am supposed to start with my new trainer this week and only have 6 more sessions until I get to start back with Jonathan! I am counting down the days until June 13th!! That is the grand opening of Ultimate Fitness!!! 

I am determined to keep a positive attitude over the next 2 weeks.  The bright side is that I have a brand new trainer to torture and frustrate! Hehehehe!! Fresh Meat! =) I can get away with sooo much that Jonathan never let me get away with! The new trainer doesn't know me and I am pretty sure if I play my cards right I won't be sore at all over the next two weeks!  It's like being in 5th grade and having a substitute teacher! I am pretty sure that I will be able to convince her that Jonathan let me eat ice cream and cookies and cakes! He also never let me run more than 3 minutes at a time because I am a delicate, delicate creature that suffers from acute shin splints and a rare degenerate disease called "lindsay lazyitis".  This could be soo much fun!! I am getting giddy just thinking about it!! My joy may be short lived because Jonathan has assured me that if I have gained any weight he will make my life miserable starting June 13th. Boo!! 

Well...here is to two more weeks of easing back into the wagon before Jonathan takes over and I am not just in the wagon, but I am in there so much so that I have "Red Rider" permanently imprinted on my tucus! 

Making Do

So right now I am trainer-less. I was supposed to meet with my new trainer on Tuesday but she is currently unavailable until Thursday at the earliest.  It is looking like I won't get to train at all this week.  I am doing my best to stay in the gym but I do have to say that the wind has been taken out of my sails a bit.  My diet is waaaaaay off but oh well.  Yesterday I did a bunch of cardio with my friend Tory and today I went for an extremely long walk on the greenbelt with my friend Jackelle.  I am seriously considering quitting the competition I am in at the gym.  I am not going to give up on my quest to lose 40lbs but the competition just doesn't appeal to me any more, and besides...why stop with only 40?? I watched the Biggest Loser finale last night and there is no reason I can't get down to 125lbs or less...that means I have about 50lbs to lose. I can definitely hit this but I am pretty sure it isn't going to happen in the next 6 weeks.

Like I said, my diet is way off and to be perfectly, brutally honest - I am not even trying to eat right this week.  I am allowing myself 1 week to pout about the grave injustice that has been done to me! I know that no one has suffered as I have in the gym world but I will not suffer in silence!  I will be brave!  I will eat Coldstone, Wendys, and Magnum Ice Cream until I am sick!  I will triumph!!  (I know, that was ever so slightly dramatic)

Next week I will happily get back on the wagon and eat according to the diet that Jonathan set up for me.  I have zero intention of being permanently derailed.

Minor Setback

So....ya.....


Today Operation Moody Hotness suffered a setback.  I got a call from the owner of the gym I go to and was informed that I could no longer work with my awesome trainer, Jonathan, because he had put in his two weeks and was not being allowed to finish out my training sessions.  I was shocked.  I seriously lost all dignity and practically begged the owner to let me finish with Jonathan!  I am not going to lie...there were more than a few tears during that phone conversation.  The mean man on the end of the line (he wasn't horrible but he didn't give me my way so I think he is mean) said nope and that they can pair me up with a new trainer.  I have 5 weeks left in the competition and have to start completely over with a new trainer and new work out regimen.  I totally lost it and started eating junk food and then just skipped out on the gym tonight.  I always use to make fun of the pathetic people on The Biggest Loser when they cried and threw fits about not having the trainer they wanted.  I am humiliated to report that I am one of them!  Weight loss is emotional as well as physical and after working with Jonathan since last August, I have a certain amount of trust and comfort level built up.  


The light at the end of the tunnel...

So the reason Jonathan quit is because he is starting his own gym that is only for personal training.  I am so excited for him and honestly, after my last sessions at Fitness19 are finished I am transferring right on over to his new gym.  He has awesome prices and he is an awesome trainer!! His new gym opens in about 3 weeks and I seriously can't wait.  For anyone who is looking to change their life not just their body, Jonathan is the perfect trainer.  I literally trust no one on the planet, but somehow I trust him.  He is encouraging and motivating but most of all he is patient and puts up with ALL of my personalities!   His wife is also awesome and has always encouraged me, even when I inform her that her husband is a mean mean man who makes me do things that I am pretty sure the Geneva Convention has classified as torture.

For those who are interested...Here is the information for Jonathan:

$19 per 30 minute session (I currently pay $28 per session at my gym)
$299 for an unlimited monthly pass of training (Over $700 at the other gyms in the area)

If you are interested please message me and I will get you his phone number.  I wouldn't recommend him if I didn't think he does an amazing job! It would be so fun to see some friendly/familiar faces around the gym to sweat with!!

What A Difference a Year Makes

May 14, 2010

April, 2011

I know I still have a ways to go but it is nice to see some progress.  The biggest progress that has been made has been so much more than just a change of hair color and 72lbs lost.  It has been so much deeper than that. I promised no Dr. Phil moments, and I fully intend to keep that promise by not going into any more detail.  I will say that weight gain and weight loss is rarely about physical appearance, but it is extremely emotional and spiritual. The ultimate goal of Operation Moody Hotness really has little to nothing to do with outward appearance and everything to do with what is going on in my heart and the healing that is taking place.

Now for something lighter....the people responsible for putting the secret ingredient in White Cheddar Popcorn that makes it soo delicious...should be seriously punished and their product banned due to it being a highly dangerous, addictive substance!